hear no evil

Gleason- "You should let him put it in your ear, I hear that's a good orifice."

Sam- "I hear it doesn't stretch."

checkmate

Sam- "He is like that awesome kind of nerdy hot... like he would kick your ass at chess and then have his wicked way with you right on the table..."

(I think I went some where in my brain... and I want to go back...)

can't have it both ways

Sam- "why you gotta be so nice? You douche bag!!"

Freedom of Speech

Pete--"I'm an American bigot....I can say whatever I want."

Con-ventional

Random homeless guy--"What the fuck is with all these freaks?"

Lorrie--"It's not really a con until you freak out a homeless person."

The Big Spoon...revisited

(At DragonCon...Phil was just waking up)

Mike--"He looks like he wants to be spooned."

Phil--"No...I'm the big spoon."

Everyone else in the room--"......"

Phil---"I'm the big spoon....for a very small person."

(Our friend Whetsone's bf wont take his shirt off ever, so we were trying to use the scientific method to figure out why.)

Gleason- "Maybe he doesn't have a belly button."

Sam- "Everyone has a belly button! If he doesn't he has to be an alien. That is the only logical conclusion!"

Tyree- "Thats the only conclusion?"

Sam- "Well, yeah. I guess he could be a clone too, or an alien clone. Either way you shouldn't date an alien whetsone."

The trouble with online shopping...

(While looking at sex toys on line with Gleason)

Gleason- "OOOOOHHH. That one looks interesting."

Sam- "Dude, that's totally for your butt-hole."

Gleason- "Ohh no!"

Vag-Side Bomb

Meg Griffen (yes, thats actually her name) "Don't you have an IED?"

Gleason- "What? Don't you mean an IUD?"

(For those men who may not know and IUD is an intrauterine device, a birth control device implanted in your uterus. Evidently Griffin thinks uterus starts with an E.)

Umpa Loompa Lovin

(This madness ensued after Gleason told me she likes me better pale while we were drinking margaritas.)

Drunk Sam- "Yeah, I look like an Umpa Loompa when I am tan and that is not attractive! No one fucks Umpa Loompas!!! How do they procreate anyway? They must clone them."

Random Drunk Guy at the bar- "Hmmm, Go get a tan and I'll show you who fucks Umpa Loompas."