Tammy: a definition

J- "Tammy: (proper noun) A nonpracticing heterosexual."

Low carb diet

J--"Beer?"

Phil--(shakes head)

Tammy--"Phil is on a self imposed low carb diet."

J--"Then drink it on the floor."

Out of control

Phil--"I have a hole in my boxers."

Tammy--"How do you keep getting holes in your boxers?"

Phil--"My junk is out of control."

unhibitions...

(Setting: Sam and Phil are at a bar and Thriller just came on. Sam is drunk and just happens to be the worst dancer in the history of the universe and all the white people in it!)

Sam- "Lets dance baby!"

Phil- "You are drunk!"

Sam- "Exactly, thats why it is fun! I have no hibitions!"

Beer goggles

Keith- "Every girl is a six pack away from being hot."

Dick- "Fuck, I don't drink till they are hot! I drink till I am gorgeous!"

The artfull dodger III

(Again this happened at the grocery store when a very creepy older guy thought he was a pimp.)

Sam- "I can take you on register 8 sir."

Saggy McBallsack- "Can I take you on register 8 baby?"

Sam- "I'm sorry sir, publix doesn't offer that service. You will have to deal with self service."

The artfull dodger II

A creepy guy is persistently hitting on me, and I can't seem to shake him.
Creepy McWeirdo is prattling on and on talking about himself, trying to get me to give him my number. I have been dropping hints that I am not interested for the whole conversation (we are stuck in a long line together so I can't escape) but he just wont take the hint and I am done with being polite.

Creepy McWeirdo noticing that I am ignoring him- "Hey, are you listening to me? You are ignoring me aren't you? ...hello?"

Truly Exasperated Sam- "I'm sorry, I am deaf in one ear. Have you been talking to me? All I could hear was this annoying noise."