"Batteries you will buy me"

Dupont- "I bet Sam has a purple lightsaber!"

Sam- "Yeah, I do, and it runs on the force!"

(They were making fun of me for being a star wars nerd. The lightsaber they speak of is in fact a battery operated boyfriend.)

Dick-tionary

Hayward- "Who cares about having a big vocabulary? All you need is a big dick......tionary."

Sam- "That's true, and both are still a mouthful!"

And the Winner Is....Wait, What?

Christopher--"I love fireworks. They are the second best Chinese invention."

Tammy--"What's the first?"

Christopher--"Bound feet."

Power in Numbers...I Think

Josh--"There were like 45 pissed off nerds....that's like....10 normal people."

Eric--"But with more fists."

Emo Super Powers--Activate!!

(A friend shows me a picture she tried to take of herself...)

Jaci--"It's hard to take a picture of yourself from that angle....I don't know how the Emos do it."

The scissor sisters

Crazy Peterson- "Yeah, his penis was so small we practically scissored all night."

It's a tough job...but someone has to do it

(At an outdoor concert)

Keith--"Hmm...Maybe I should slow down..."

Tammy--"What? You haven't been drinking that much."

Keith-- "I know, but drinking in the sun is much harder than it looks."