Aspirations...

Tammy- "When I grow up... I wanna kill someone."

(Thank you Tony Soprano Elementary school)

Tuna girl

Sam- "That's not called having sex, thats called sitting on a dick."

The power of giving

Jay- "Is it considered prostitution if you have sex in exchange for gifts?"

Phil- "No, then it is just a girlfriend."

Sam- "You don't give me gifts for sex."

Phil- "...My penis."

Sam- "Your penis is a wonderfull gift, but I don't think that counts... No pun intended, but the penis is kinda the point of sex..."

Hello kitty technique

Anna- "There are some new guys at work. I think I can get them to buy some raffle tickets for the fundraiser."

Tammy- "How are you gonna do that? Wont it be hard since you don't know them?"

Anna- "I was thinking of using the 'I'm a pretty girl approach'."

Look what i can do!

Phil- "I can fit an eggplant down my throat!"

Sam- "Why would you do that?"

Phil- "Practice."

Behold the anti-girl!

Tammy while playing video games and drinking beer.

Tammy- "Shut up Phone! Can't you see I am battling the forces of evil!"

this is why we cant have nice things...

Sam to her boyfriend right after he held her down and tickled her, one of his greater joys in life.

Sam- "See Phil! This is why we cant have bondage!"

Jay (watching this hilarity) "What???"

Sam- "Cuz he would just tickle me for 27 hours!"

Phil- "Sigh"