age is just a number

Sam- "Whats the male equivalent of a cougar?"

Dave- "Intelligent!"

Ménage à...huh?

Sam- "If there is an audience, does it count as an exclusive relationship?"

say what??

Tanya- "That means she has a cavernous vagina!"

Sam- "Did you say I had a catfish vagina?!?!"

You know what they say about girls with big feet...

Sam- "I have frickin sasquach feet! If I was a dude, I would be hung like a mother fucker!"

Pagans are dirty

Brian "Zeus had sex with a llama and shat out a son... That's like madlibs for religion!"

So much for a wing man

Dick- "Attention gentlemen! She will fuck the first guy to buy me a drink!"

Springtime for Hitler

Sam- "Maybe I will get stationed somewhere cool like Germany, and you can come visit me, and we can eat schnitzel, and go to the beer fest, and pretend we are in the sound of music, and dress up like nuns, and fight Nazis... the whole bit!"

Tammy- "???????" (Followed by the WTF look)

Moral Compass

J- "Cuz, my moral compass has been sitting next to my hard drive recently, so it's a little... you know... weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew!"

The ohhh so wrong trousers

Derek- "Vira is gonna show up naked next week."

Creepy Bar Tender Guy- "Ohhh, no! At least wear a speedo or something!"

Tammy- "Well his penis is so small it wont matter anyway..."

Sam- "Yeah, then he'll just have a camel toe and that's just sad..."

(I like that the creepy person in this story is the bartender and not the nudist with purportedly tiny junk. The fact that the bar tender is creepy has nothing to do with this blog entry, but amuses me none the less.)

Bewilderbeast

(After Kale makes some insane, hilarious, lewd, bollocks comment.)

Sam- "Kale, you bewilder me..."

Kale- "Yeah Baby, I'm the bewilderbeast!"

Libations

Sam- "How many beers have you had to drink so far?"

Dick- "I had a giant Natty Ice 40 before I came here."

Tammy- "That doesn't count as beer!"

Dick- "No, But it counts as drunk!"