Say hello to my little... huh?

(We are in the movies when the trailer for Righteous Kill, a new movie starring Al Pachino, comes on)

Mark- "Is that Al Sharpton?"

If I could name the next dinasaur fossil...

Sam- "Cuntzor... It is like short for Cuntasaurus or something."

Mark- "Cuntasaurus..."

Sam- "Yeah, they are pink..."

Mark- "...And have no teeth, just really big lips!"

Army man logic

Mark- "The only thing worse than beating children is beating puppies... with kittens."

Beer:30

Dad- "I should probably stop drinking soon... the wife has been on my ass for hours..."

Neighbor- "Don't you mean for years?"

Dad- "Yeah... It sucks to be a scum bag...."

best argument for creation ever!

Severely inebriated Keith- "I don't understand how you can be an atheist..."

Sam- "What? Why?"

Severely inebriated Keith- "Because of turtles..."

Sam- "OK, you lost me..."

Severely inebriated Keith- "Because turtles have shells and that doesn't make sense... What other animal has a shell? It is just weird... It proves Darwin was wrong."

Sam- "...Its a good thing you are cute Ginger"

friends who strip together stay together...

Ashley- "You know what you, me, and Tammy should do? We should take those strip tease work out classes where they teach you to pole dance!"

Sam- "Yeah! That would be awesome! It would be just like Yoga but with G-strings!"